History of Me

There are things that I tend to keep to myself. Not that my past (at least this part) is something I had any control over, but it is the part of me that I tend to keep to myself. However, looking back now, I can see how God has saved me from so much. I realize now that God deserves all the glory for my entire life. Maybe I can start here trying to recognize that fact. I was born to a 16 year old girl, Teresa. She was young, neglected, nieve. She had no clue how to be a mother, although she did try a few times. I won't go into all the details of what our short life together involved, but it was very bumpy to say the least. The majority of my life I pretended that that part of my life never happened. I have never been interested in meeting my biological family before, not until I went through a bible study that seemed to slap me across my face about forgiveness. See as a child I never wanted to be adopted, I wanted to be biologically my parents (James & Linda) child. I never wanted to talk about it, I would get upset if my parent's mentioned it! I wanted to be like Paul (my older brother, and my parent's biological son). I believe that I actually hated my biological mother for most of my life. I didn't understand what had gone on, what her weaknesses were, nor did I care. Now with God's help, I can forgive her and actually understand that it wasn't all her fault. She could have made different choices, but I can see more of her anguish now. Teresa died in 2000, I was never able to meet her and extend a hand of forgiveness or friendship. I met my biological Aunt not to many months ago, she is the ray of hope I was always looking for. She was able to make the good choices for her life, she is a christian, and get this her husband is a PREACHER!! She has given me answers to questions, understanding, and even compassion for Teresa. For the first time I understand that Teresa was an addict, from a very early age. My aunt gave me a picture of myself as infant, until this time I never knew what I looked like as a baby! God waited until I could handle the information that I now have concerning my past, and he gave me my aunt to help me process it. I believe that being adopted is the best miracle I could have received from God as a child. There are so many other things that I want to say and then again I don't want to say. So I guess the best thing to do is say Praise God for saving me, loving me and giving me the unbelieveable life, love, family and friends he has given me!

I was adopted at 3 1/2 years old. My parents were amazing (although human!) They put up with a little girl that had every intention of making them choose daily to continue to love me. I guess I wanted to make sure they were in it for the long haul. They were! My mom (Linda) passed away when I was only 20 years old. That made me very angry because I had not long decided to try to be my mom's friend instead of her worst nightmare. She was amazing, she was involved in everything that had to do with our family! She was fiercly loyal and loving. I know now that she always loved me in spite of myself! My dad (James) is still here with me (PRAISE GOD!) He has shown me what love from a dad is all about. I was truly and still am daddy's little girl! My older brother is one of my greatest hero's although he doesn't know it. I admire him so much!

So long story short, Christ saves even when we don't deserve it.